There really shouldn’t be an app for that: 13 apps that don't need to exist
What is it? An app that allows users to zip and unzip pairs of virtual pants. The app’s official description calls it “sexy, suggestive, and seductive.”
Why this app shouldn’t exist: It’s a needless distraction that might otherwise stop someone from getting the help they desperately need. I’m specifically concerned for the people who paid $1 of their hard-earned money for the full version of the app, which gives the user the ability to change up the underwear behind the zipper.
Still curious? A lite version is available on iTunes, or you can plunk down $1 for the full customizable version.
What is it? A game that measures how long you can keep your finger on the screen. If you hold your finger there the longest, you win! Congratulations to you.
Why this app shouldn’t exist: Things should have a point. To the game’s credit, both the title and the official Play Store description provide a warning about the app’s uselessness. If you download this thing, it’s your own damn fault.
Still curious? The self-proclaimed pointless game awaits at Google Play.
Will You Marry Me?
What is it? An iOS app that will ask the person of your dreams to be yours forever.
Why this app shouldn’t exist: Unless your future spouse-to-be is severely impressed by irony, this is the most thoughtless proposal you could put together.
What is it? An app that helps creepy dudes locate bikini shots of their female Facebook friends. The app employs advanced visual algorithms created by someone who should really be putting his talents toward something other than Pikinis.
Why this app shouldn’t exist: It lets womenfolk in on a terrible secret: Guys will rifle through your photos section for bikini shots and similarly revealing imagery. That happens. And for the app’s intended audience (creepy dudes), this is not a good way to meet ladies.
Still curious? The app is still in development, but you can be creepy and sign up to be a beta tester here.